Looks

I am in a mood. I just feel like crying a lot, but never do. The way I feel is sad, not good enough, disfigured, negative. I hate myself for even writing about this, it is stupid. I am talking about looks. How I look, how I feel about my looks. I am not vain or fishing for compliments, I just need this off my chest.

I think everyone should be happy with themselves, and if you love yourself then no one else should be able to hurt you. It’s a lot harder to follow your own advice, and even harder when you the other person. I am constantly comparing myself to others, always. My friends, people on social media, people I see around town. Basically anyone and everyone. I have never consider this a serious problem nor have, I ever been diagnosed with a mental disease.  But I do not like myself, and that can’t be good.

I have an entire list of things that I would change about myself. and on the other side a “list” of things I like about myself. That “list” of things I like about myself is probably a measly one or two things. It would just be nice if I could just change everything else. I’m the ugly friend, the fat friend, the friend people pity. Fortunately those are self-given titles because I couldn’t actually tell you if my past or current friends would give me those titles. I’m glad I haven’t/didn’t ask because,

1. They wouldn’t be very good friends.

2. It might just hurt me too much to find out and I would rather just have my brain do the damage instead or someone else.

If I could have a magic lamp where a genie would pop out and grant me 3 wishes, I would ask for everything that I didn’t like to be changed. That might be superficial but it’s what I would do. I genuinely don’t have more than two things that I like about myself. Which honestly makes me so upset, because I want nothing more but to love myself for who I am. I can’t look at a mirror for too long and I don’t want to look at the scale, because I will always find something I don’t like.

I want to be a different person. I don’t want to be me.

I don’t feel any better, or any worse for sharing this even though I thought it would help. Please remember this isn’t a cry out for help, or someone fishing for compliments. My somber self has gotten the best of me.

Be back with a new post soon. Till next time,

Faith

 

 

 

My Summer Playlist

What your about to read is my summer playlist. I‘ve spent most days inside either working or relaxing  (which honestly seems rare now days), even crazier I went swimming for the first time yesterday (7/11/17), I’ve been out of school for almost 2 months! Kinda seems like my summer is flying by and is a waste? But anyway this playlist is songs that make me feel good, and it is a mix of a few genres.

Enjoy and maybe you will find something you have never heard before!

P.s. If you can’t tell this post has been in the making for a little while, sorry about that please enjoy.

What I’ve Learned Working in Retail

I have only worked in retail for about 4 months, but while I’ve been working I have learned quite a few things.

  1. People are really lazy – They will put things that are a whole foot away from them, across the store instead.
  2. They get upset when your store changes it’s policies – NO matter how many times you explain it to them they think that getting 5% off every purchase is a better deal then getting double rewards points (which keep in mind gets you really good coupons).
  3. It is really awkward when people don’t get approved for the in-store card – you don’t get the extra % off if you aren’t approved (at least not right away but that’s too long of an explanation).
  4. Some people really care about every last cent. You bet they are gonna question why one shirt is $1.99 and the other is $2.00.
  5. Cleaning up after the day is honestly the worst, because you see just how little respect people have for your job.
  6. Back to school is the worst – there is so much new inventory and so little space to put it. With that also comes all the people who get to the register and then return all of it because it’s “too expensive”.
  7. Counting down the drawers is actually so nerve wrecking, I worry even if I am a cent off even though it could’ve been a simple mistake taken throughout the day.

Anyway if any one else can relate to this kind of stuff let me know down below! Or if there are things you have learned working in your job.

Til next time (hopefully sooner than later),

Faith

Negativity has gotten the best of me. 

A question I frequently ask myself is “why am I always so angry?”

Well don’t get me wrong, I am not always angry. I just feel like such a negative person. I complain a lot, and I do very negative things that I would tell others not to, and to be the bigger person. 

For example,  I can be extremely hypocritical, I will yell at my boyfriend for saying something completely rude and do something similar in the next 30 minutes. To be even more honest with you, there are 100 other examples. I tell myself that it’s not fair, and I wish I wasn’t that way, I don’t like being that way. But I guess it’s important that I know it’s wrong. 

Other times, for some awful reason, I really like to start arguments. Believe me it is not my proudest ability. I don’t know whether it’s the attention or the feeling of “winning” but I like to argue. It usually starts out as me wanting to talk about a problem or my opinion, but ends up with me screaming or something else that is completely idiotic. 

I feel like this makes me sound like a completely awful person, I think it is important that I acknowledge things about myself. That I know how have an area to work on in my communication skills and that as I grow and learn things will become easier. 

Does anyone else feel disappointed in themselves for not necessarily being the person they tell others to be? 

Till next time. All the love, 

Faith  

Busy, Busy, Busy

I’ve got some down time for once, so here are my thoughts. Thanks for reading! 

I’ve already been out of school for over a month, but summer literally just started (I mean the summer solstice).  It’s so crazy to me that time has flown by, and. I feel like I’ve wasted it. 

Which I mean that’s probably not true, I’ve done a few fun things. For the most part though I’ve been working my butt off. I work at a children’s clothing store, and I just got offered a manager position (which is crazy ’cause I only started in March). I’ve been training, learning and busting my butt. 

Unfortunately because it’s summer time and my job is in retail, I end up working weird hours. Some days I open, others I close, sometimes I work smack dab middle of the day. Because of that I feel like I see no one. My parents work 9 to 5 jobs, so it’s really tricky to see them. Then there’s my boyfriend and best friend who also have jobs, and also work weird hours. My boyfriend works WAY more then I do, so anytime he’s available I jump at the chance to see him.  My best friend has basically completely opposite hours of each other (or at least it seems that way. We are push on not seeing each other for a week and it feels much longer). 

It’s just so crazy that the world is passing by and well everything that is happening to me. I feel like I need to be making fun mermories instead of just “work” memories. 

Anyone have any ideas on what to do to add a little life into the rest of my summer? 

Your busy midwestern girl, 

Faith 

A Little Step Into College Life

Hey everyone!

I know it has been a while since I last posted but I couldn’t come up with anything good. Instead I am just gonna give a little update or look into my life.

Yesterday I got to go to my college and plan my schedule for next year, but before I got to do that I got to sit through about 4 hours of presentations that were just the same thing over and over again (it made the whole day drag on and I was so ready for it to be over).

My selected major is Nursing, which is something I am very passionate about. There is a downside though, my choice school has the 3rd best nursing school in the state which makes the process of getting into the Nursing school much harder. A lot of it is grades and taking certain courses (as it is for most degrees) but this is really a make it or break it thing because each semester the school only selects about 90 students (and trust me when I say there is a LOT of pre-nursing students in the Class of 2021 at my University).

Thankfully for me though I am very confident, and 100% believe that I can study hard enough and get fantastic grades to become a part of the Nursing school. What made it even better is that I am already ahead of schedule for pre-nursing students. This is because I already have 1 of my 6 science classes finished (which is super exciting!!!). And kinda unexpected, my advisor seemed really impressed and was very excited to see me ahead of the game.

Anyway getting to pick my schedule just made me think about how excited and passionate I am about getting this education and creating a new life for myself.

Til next time,

Faith

“Relationship Goals”

I have been with the same boy for the last 3 years. Which might be crazy to hear considering I am only 18. (That isn’t the point though).

When we first started dating,  which was our freshman year of high school. I was completely clueless, which I mean most people are when it comes to their first serious relationship. The internet filled my head with images and ideas of what my relationships should be like. The cute text messages, the cuddly pictures, you’re significant other constantly talking about you, and so many other things that truthfully are just not necessary.

At first, I thought that I needed that to be happy. I wanted my boyfriend to constantly text me, surprise me with gifts, and only spend time with me. Basically, I thought the relationship was ONLY supposed to be about me and my feelings. Those things I found on the internet filled my head with bullshit. I didn’t know what I was doing so I guess I figured the internet could show me how.  Now I’m not saying that those things should or shouldn’t happen in your relationship, I am saying that these “goals” are mediocre.  They are not actual goals, just things that happen (or don’t happen)  naturally, and they come with time.

My point is that as I grew in this relationship I learn more and more about my boyfriend. And those “stereotypical” goals came and went and we moved on to bigger more important things. We learned how to communicate and be happy with just each other, and I didn’t need the internet’s help anymore.

What I hope you take from this is that seeing someone else’s relationship shouldn’t make you feel any different about your own. Seeing “goals” from other couples doesn’t mean those should be your only goals. Figure out what works for you and your significant other.

Till next time,

Faith